A DIFFERENT ME

Do you ever look at someone else, or watch their life, and wish you could be more like them? I do! Maybe it's because I'm a perfectionist, or maybe because I just see something in them that I know needs to be in my life. I have always wanted to be one of those people that pleases everyone. In my past, that got me into trouble. In my present, maybe it just makes me dissatisfied with who I am. It's like I have this vision of this perfect person - always loving, always positive, always smiling, always friendly, always helpful, always saying and doing the right things - but does this person really exist? Or, is it a dream of mine? I do know that God places people in my life that challenge me to be a better person and to be a Christlike figure in this world. But why do I fall so short of that lofty goal? What is it that others have that I don't have?

Now, I have studied the personalities and I have studied about the strengths God has given different people. I know He has SHAPE-d us (S-spiritual gifts, H-heart/passions, A-abilities, P-personality, E-experiences) and wired us in a way that we can be used by Him and for Him. I seriously wish I was wired differently! I'm a lion, bold and courageous. I am choleric - a natural leader, administrator, and boss. If there's a job to be done, give it to a choleric. They will make sure it's done. I am also a beaver, very carefully doing a job and doing it RIGHT. I am melancholy - organized, efficient, and precise. Yuck! If you put those two together, that makes me a pretty "tight" and bossy person. I don't want to be that! Is it right to argue with God about the way He made me? Or, should I accept the way that I am and try to be the best lion/beaver or choleric/melancholy I can be?

What happened to that dream of being June Cleaver? You know, the mom at home with a smile and a hug for everyone that passes thru her doorway? What happened to the woman I envisioned, always whistling a tune and smiling about everything that took place in her life, good or bad? Was she a figment of my imagination? Or, was she a vision of what I could/should be?

Instead of comparing myself to others ... or to that picture-perfect woman in my head ... maybe I'll just get up every day and dedicate myself to being what God wants me to be. Surely, then, I can't complain. Oh, wait ... I am a ...